What the Fuck happened?

What the fucking fuck happened?!  Its been like.. Two years, I forgot this shit existed.  Anyways I stumbled upon this website after neglect and the disillusion it had somehow imploded upon itself (probably the shit writing) after seriously two years now.  But I’m thinking I’m about ready to get back into it and expand on the awesomeness that is my everyday life. You could say I want to get it in with this blog.  As of recently, I fucking hate photojournalism and journalism, as well as any news based presentations or mediums.  Except FOX news.  I LOVE Fox news, no misrepresentations or biases there!  We have an on campus newspaper, the Daily Egyptian, my roommate is the editor in chief…It still sucks my ass.  The only reason I’ve continued to pick it up is in the hope that the word jumble, sudoku, or crossword puzzle might stoop me.  Usually one of them does.  But this is America and 2/3 is okay.  I also read the sports post questions.  They are always really fucking gay and the persons who answer them are morons.  The problem with the DE is everyone on staff thinks they’re gods gift to humor and that hilarity does then ensue once they’ve spoken or written anything.  Someone wrote an article about why we shouldn’t hate Justin Bieber.  But really all it was, was an article as to why we SHOULD hate him.  wtf.

My roommate, that’s a whole different sort of situation.  In the past few weeks not only has he stopped talking to me, he has stopped even looking at me …and roll out the celebration station when he’s in a room or my vicinity for more than 15 seconds at any one time.  Holy Shit!   I really don’t care though, just sayin’

My cat is sitting presenting herself to me.  Not into it.

Im gonna go get a new phone.  A SMARTphone.  HOLLA.  With any luck I won’t become part of the obsessive mass of people who are constantly using and or playing around with their phones anywhere and everywhere you look.  But seeing as My current phone is pink I’m not too worried about joining that club.

Why Apes Do things.

Chimp attack reasoning rhythmically related

Travis, the 200 pound Chimpanzee everyone knew and loved has been slain.  The ape turned on its owners friend and then on the police who were called on him. 

  Some say that the monkey was sick and that is why he attacked a woman.  Others say it is because he felt scared and that turned him into an angry monkey.  Here is the true reason.

     Travis the Chimp found out there is already a rapper with his alias. 

 

                           … T pain.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

     It is true.  Travis was a humble monkey who enjoyed the finer things in life.  Human clothes, indoor plumbing and of course, the soothing ghetto ass sounds of kickin ass rhymes and grammatically incorrect beats.  It is unknown just how serious he was about moving forward in his hip hop career…and now we won’t ever know.  All we can do is remember the primate in his better days.  Like when he stared in that…one commercial and of course…Cannonball Run.  [Burt Reynolds is expected to attend the funeral.  Not so much Roger Moore.]

     When Travis found out about T pain, the pseudonym he himself had come up with because he is super smart, he went a little crazy.  Until he finally reached the breaking point and couldn’t help ripping a woman’s face off.

     Unfortunately, silly jealousy is not a valid enough reason not to shoot a monkey.  RIP.

Up Next: Obesity

Up Next:  Obesity

     The president has decided to introduce a 60 billion dollar bill in an effort to help America lose some much needed weight.  Not the financial weight the United States has steadily been accumulating and increasing, and certainly not the weight of racial injustice and stereotypical behavior that has elapsed over time, no.  The weight debt of calorie-intake.  The plan will be presented and is believed to be aimed at the millions of obese humans wasting excess space with their own blubbery mass.

     There are over 300 million people living in the United States and although the bill is meant to help everyone, White House affiliates believe the plan will only aid 500 thousand to one million residents leading most to question the point of the plan.  “There are just too many overweight people living in the United States who just do not care enough to help themselves,” said one ex-White House representative who preferred to remain anonymous.                    …Jimmy Carter.

     Compared to the rest of President Obamas plans the WTFWP (what the fuck weight plan), as it has been nicknamed, is much more ambitious than the others.  And the cost is much higher than anticipated.  And it most likely will flop and fail.  nevertheless “Yes, we can” still resignates throughout America.  “Yes we can” says the 400 pound comic book collector between heavy breathes and the chewing of a triple cheeseburger oozing with grease and toxicity.  “Yes we can,” from the girl who works at Coldstone and eats ice cream on her downtime and then sits staring at herself in the mirror after her shift.  “Yes we can,” I say myself in hopes of seeing less beer bellies and stretch marks on 20 year olds.

     YES WE CAN.

     “All of us are paying a price for this [lack of control],” Obama says in a prepared text of remarks scheduled shortly after 12 noon EST Wednesday.  Republicans and Democrats unite in the idea of saving America from a gelatinous, chubby downfall, but stand even more firm in the belief that this plan is completely ridiculous.   

     Of the nearly 52 million U.S. “SuperSizers”, about all of them, or nearly 100 percent, are fat.

     The plan is also aimed at lowering the number of chain restaurants that exist all over mid-North America.  The fast food establishments slowly, subtley taking control of nutritional institutions and brainwashing mentally inept Americans every day. 

     “It is essential we show that change is possible and that nothing will stop Americans from standing up against tyranny and …delicious all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce…cheese, onions and pickles on a sesame seed bun…” said Obama in a private meeting earlier in the week.  Shortly after the Presidential chopper was seen landing on the rooftop of the McDonalds in downtown Washington D.C.

     -The AP

Why are worms so silly?

How risky is it for most worms to crawl and inch their way out onto hard, flat areas to mate?  It seems like it would take courage.  Then another question arises;  Can worms (or any animal/insect/or otherwise non-human) be courageous?  How do you define courage?  It is more or less a word that throughout time has and will continue to attain a numerous, endless amount of definitions that are all true.  So its definition, since realization, has become an opinion.  Words are tricky things.  It amazes me you can look at words and think of their meanings and I, personally, have decided it is incredible how we have been able to create words, verbal-oral-written forms, of human traits.  Who decided courage would be defined as it is?  And can we really give animals, non speaking, completely separate life living organisms who survive and act strictly on instinct and chemical composition, a characteristic like courage?  I guess so since we do, but it seems silly.  But back to worms.  After it rains they come out of the ground, out of their dark,cavernous dirt tunnels to mate which involves laying next to each other in a parallel position.  Exposed to this unknown open world, completely unguarded and visible for prey or still invisible to us passersby, who usually just step right on them.  It’s a tough job keeping a race like worms alive, but I guess they manage.  In fact I know that obviously all worms are not completely exposed to human or natural eye, but still.  Worms make living sort of look easy.  Courage in animals.  Enough.

-Do you ever go to the store and buy something with a debit/credit card and have to slide it yourself?  I’ve always wondered, when it asks you

“XX.xx$ Amount OK Yes? No?”

What happens if you press no?  I, myself, have not ever tried it for fear that when I press “NO” a trap door under where I’m standing in front of the keypad will open up and I will fall into the bottomless pit, weightlessly falling for weeks in darkness before I finally die of starvation, my body doomed to fall for the rest of time.  I don’t press that “NO” button because I have this theory when I do I will instantly be allowed to know the secrets of this life and the next and my mind and brain will be effortlessly stuffed with information and fact until I have retained so much information my head explodes and I get brain goo and infinite knowledge on everyone around me.  I don’t hit the “NO” button because When my finger leaves the pad I will be shot into space for one last glimpse at earth and the Universe before I freeze instantly and a satellite bums into me, shattering my frozen body into billions of pieces that travel the galaxy for the rest of its existence.

I don’t hit the “NO” button cause the amount is always OK.

-I think people who wear shirts that say “Good at internet poker” are really just wearing shirts that say “I’m good at doing pointless things”

-QUESTION OF THE DAY:

If you could be a combination of any two animals in the universe which two would you choose and why?

Personally:  Cougar-hawk

-How extremely exciting is the “watchmen” movie looking.  I am SO damn excited for that to come out.  March 6th is quite a ways away.  I think we’ll be on spring break that week.  I haven’t been this excited about a movie and wanted to see it at midnight since Dark Knight came out and I DID go see it at midnight…drunk.  Which, although amazing, caused me to miss a lot of the movie magic AND get in a screaming match with some 14 year old girl, who I am fairly certain was u WAY past her bedtime.  Speaking of Dark Knight, watched it again the other night for the XXth time.  It is amazing everytime, if you have not seen it get the FUCK out of your shell and go rent it.  No.  fuck renting.  Get up off your ass, turn off the price is right, and buy the shit out of that movie.  You don’t fuck with Heath Ledgers performance or the incredibleness that is this movie.  Batman Begins.  I watched it last night and I remembered when I was like “whoa this movie is incredible blah blah blah”  It is NOTHING compared to its sequel.  Anyways, enough tangents into Nerdology, WATCHMEN.  It looks sick.  If you don’t know the back story to the watchmen…google it, or read the comic.  It is one of the best graphic novels of all time and the fact that the guy who directed, visually, 300 is making it should make you want to gather your camping gear and go sit outside the movie theatre right now.

check it. 

-USA plays Mexico to start a ten game rally ending with, hopefully, a birth in the World cup in south Africa next year.  I hope USA wins, that’d be cool but I almost ultimately know the outcome.  However, they are playing Ohio, and I don’t think that Mexico has beat America in the last like…8 tries whilst in America.  Soccer cups still confuse me.  Its only line once every 4 years like the Olympics and teams play 1 to 3 times a month only.  It’s crazy, but I am starting to appreciate it more and more as I become more submerged in the fact that SOCCER FUCKING ROCKS.  This should be impressive to every single other person living outside the United States (minus Canada) considering soccer is the most popular sport in the world.

-On that note, I am still fucking psyched for baseball season to commence.  April 6th.  My birthday.  Cubs season open in Houston.  I wish I could drive/fly there but it would definitely be rather costly.  Who will win closing postion Marmol or Gregg.  I hope Marmol, he is the shit.

-Sometimes I wonder why schools and governmental buildings hang pictures of older people on the walls.  Does anyone really go up to them and read them with any notion of actually remembering that information or is it really only just a way to spruce up the looks of a hallway, wing, or conference room while still paying the tiniest little bit of homageto the past.  Was that a question?  Some places have a mixture of photographs and biographies too.  Right to my left there are suits mixed with …sports players?  wtf?  The next to those you just have regular straight on slightly tilted face photos of people who aren’t in suits or sporting gear.  What the hell did they do?  I guess I would know if I read the short paragraphs located to the left side of every frame, which I would totally do…if they weren’t 5 fucking feet above my head.  Seriously, they are almost touching the ceiling.  why would anyone even try to read those ones, the ones I can only assume because of their positioning, are less important than the ones located at eye level.  They should just get some nice wallpaper or paintings.  I would love to walk through a corridor of van Gogh’s or Monet’s.  Once, I smoked and walked into the hotel I was staying at and I got lost only to come back to reality and realize I had been following awesomely patterned carpeting and incredibly detailed paintings that were hung, at eye level, on the wall.  All while enjoying some fancy, orchestral music.  It was great, why can’t I experience that here…on campus…in Carbondale.

Ten Constipated Cannibals

Today in my web design class, which with each week becomes incredibly more complex and confusing, we were getting started in dream weaver.  This is what I named it originally (hah) “Ten Constipated Cannibals.”  I seriously debated actually creating a website based on a fictional set of modern day man eaters hiding in the backwoods of southern America, but only for like 45 seconds before I decided that was silly.

Anywho.  This has been quite the long day.  It has been dragging since 7am when I awoke to the sound of my cell phone alarm, I use this because it is surely the ONLY thing to actually awaken me out of my, what I can only consider and term, “coma”-like sleep.  Class, then a short break where I watched the daily show and colbert report from last night, continually losing it and probably freaking out the Indian girl sitting across from me.  John Oliver just cracks me up.  He’s so sarcastic and incredibly cynical in the funniest way, he reminds me of my self and my roommate.  Then class class class, home.

We presented a “project” in my visual Lit class this-morning.  I use quotations because I would not myself use the term project in any sort of serous away when referencing it to our assignment.  We were to choose 10 images that we think of when we think of America.  I stole my roommates PowerPoint because his lab is earlier in the week and our choices would have been, for the most part, identical.  One of the photographs was a money tree, or a tree with money growing off it.  You know after the saying, “money doesn’t grow on trees.”  I’ve been thinking about it all day.  The obsession with money and having this desire to have a lot of it.  When I was younger money was not a huge deal.  As I have grown and matured and continued on in life I have realized money truly does make the world go round.  I used to think money was not important, I still don’t, but to an extent.  I have allowed myself to accept that I can be happy without a lot of it, but not comfortable with too little.  I’ve been working since I was 15 years old, I think in 6 years I have gone, minus the last couple months because of college, a total of, not including vacations, less than 3 weeks without having a job/ not working.  I have always had money and supported myself.  So throughout the years I’ve realized you absolutely NEED money.  There is no way to get around not needing it unless you are completely and totally content with being one of the homeless beggars living on the streets attempting to coax innocent people into sparing some of the cash they worked to receive.  I would not choose to be satisfied with such a lifestyle.  There are people who say “oh no I don’t need money I can be happy without it.”  Fuck you you naive piece of shit, You absolutely need it.  “The best things in life are free”, wrong.  Have you ever traveled?  Have you ever had a passion for something?  Even hobbies and shit cost money.  I have realized I don’t like the ignorant people who think that life can be lived with just freedom and sunshine and peace and hope and blah blah blah, get real hippies.  I’m not saying I am a money hungry, greedy, gluttonous monster bent on becoming rich and living the good life, no way, I’m hardly materialistic and I can go enjoy the outdoors and “free” things so many other people take for granted, but I cannot ignore financial responsibility.  i would already be on the streets were this true.

-Celebrity Idolization.

What the fuck ass fuck kind of hobby is that.  People create entire careers on watching the lives of the “famous” people.  Why?  Go out and get a real job.  Live your own life instead of spying on people who are absolutely no different than the poorest poor person.  They really are too, they are human beings just like the rest of us, why do we follow them around like we have nothing better to do.  These people have a talent or ability, singing acting whatever, and they take advantage of exceeding at it.  You know who else does that?  Accountants, lawyers, construction workers.  Do we follow them around and snap pictures of them while they are out eating or shopping or walking on the beach?  Fuck no.  So these “celebrities” have money, so?  My grandma has lots of money, lets all take pictures of her and write stories and features in magazines about the happenings in her life “Grandma Patch buys American automobile;  Germans annoyed,”  Seriously, put down your potato chips, get off your ass, turn of TMZ and go the fuck outside.  Make a life for yourself instead of trying to live through people you see in movies.  God damn.

Quote of the day:  Steven Colbert

About Abe Lincoln

Author ” There are literally thousands of books written about Abraham Lincoln, The only person with more books written about him is God.”

SC ” Well it’s technically only one…….But it’s a best seller!”

 

Baseball baseball baseball, go to hell Nick Johnson.

Move Over Football Season

With the completion of the Super Bowl and, to a lesser extent the pro bowl, blossoms something even greater and more exciting than if all the best football players throughout the existence of the NFL were playing together against the worst football players of all time in a creepy dead battle Royal game to rule the world with an obvious inevitable outcome.  An event that has been constantly nursing and feeding on thoughts and hopes in the placenta of fans and players minds across the nation .  A multi-month extravaganza of close calls, random brawls, intense rivalries and border line life altering, incredibly depressing, make-you-want-to-drink-away-your-sorrows and/or cares-because-you’re-such-a-big-fan, letdowns…

BASEBALL SEASON 09′

Baseball season is in the air, finally, and after continuous review on the deals and happenings with my personal favorite franchise, the Chicago Cubs, in the offseason;  I am completely ready and excited for it to begin.  I didn’t think that after back-to-back National League Central Division wins followed by back-to-back sweeps in the playoffs I’d ever be ready for more baseball.  But, alas, IT. IS. TIME.

I’ve been trying to follow the trades and recent acquires.  That being said I have noticed a large change in player choice and trades in the past few months.  In these weeks previous there has been quite a buzz in the Chicago franchise. 

Players we’ve said goodbye to:

-Felix Pie, that crazy high fast ball swinging center fielder who, if not for his speed in the field, would probably have been traded weeks before he actually was.

-Ronny Cedeno, that crazy ugly infielder with a will of steel but the talent of a not so much major leaguer.  He was alright and certainly someone who always came to mind when thinking about the cubs, but won’t be high on my list of people to be missed.

-Mark DeRosa, WTF!?  How can you trade the spokesperson of the cubs?  How?  oh well, enjoy your equal playing time and pay on the Indians sir.

-Jason Marquis, “Hey I’m Jason Mark-weese.”  Thank you Q101.

-Free Agent Kerry Wood.  It’s hard to imagine this allstar closer on a team other than the cubs, but a trade is a trade.

-Free agents Bob Howry, Daryl Ward, and Hank White.  Honestly of these three choices the only player missed, personally, Hank White, Henry Blanco that monkey of a man catcher, god speed.

On the plus side I think the cubs have definitely strengthened their pitching staff as well as the outfield.  Recently acquired relief pitchers and non-homerun hitters will prove usefull in the 2009 season.

I am certainly in the baseball mindset.  Constant hazing and shit-talking from cardinals / sox fans to me, a guaranteed amazing season and a probable let down at the end of the 2009 season…I am ready.

 

The weather was particularly brutal today.  I had almost walked out of the apartment without a coat which didn’t seem like a horrible idea because the deceitful rays of the sun were calling out warm weather.  Good thing I doubled back to add layers because I started crying the minute I stepped out the industrial monster they call a front door in this complex.  The wind immediatly shot sharp freezing pieces of glass into my face and fingertips.  I’m not making up that I cried, I did, I teared up like a religious fanatic at the end of the passion.  My 20 minute to walk lasted forever and I thought my hands were going to fall off by the time I finally made it to the communications building.  The fresh, boiling coffee I purchased hoping it might help was useless and cooled almost completely by the time I arrived.  I think that if someone, anyone a man woman child kitten, if any of them had fucked with me I would have killed them, seriously.  It amazes me how weather can ruin a whole morning.  The day did not become any better either.  The weather improved, but barely.  As the day matured the weather was more or less consistent, the only change being a decrease in wind speeds.  I’ve been wanting warm weather for a few weeks now.  I can only imagine the temperatures and events that have been plagueing the north and I am glad to be closer to the equator.  But not that much happier.

The other day I was driving past Carbondale Community High School, High School,…school.  I’m unsure as to its correct terminology, I don’t go there.  But, I passed it nonetheless and noticed the “moving truck”, I always do, which belongs to the marching band.  On the side, plastered in huge letters is “Marching Terriers.”  

Marching Terriers?  Seriously?

The thought of something as simple as a terrier as a mascot.  That isn’t anymore intimidating than my pet rabbit.  Although it is the marching band;  They have no one to intimidate let alone a reason to intimidate…God damn marching band students.  Regardless, I compiled a list in my head of mascot names that would be better and worse.  In ascending order from THE worst to the better ideas:

The Marching:

-Butterflies

-Bubble monster

-Milkmen

-Vegetables

-Marchers

–Terriers

-Band

-Muffdivers

-Mudflaps

-Manimals (My personal favorite)

It’s just, terriers are so gay.

 

I’ve been watching the history channel a lot lately.  here are some things I’ve learned:

-The ancient Aztec peoples dipped into the delicious enjoyment that is popcorn (unbuttered).

-Fortune cookies did not originate from China.  After this little delectable piece of information, the history people decide not to let you know where it does originally come from.  wtf.

-When hamburgers were first introduced they were originally thought to contain human and animal body parts.  This was quite a coincidence to hear because that’s still what I think.

-Hot dogs were actually named after the animal.  Whoa.

Maybe no one else finds these little infobits important or relevant or anything.  I, on the other hand, love little random pieces of information that no one else knows or cares about.  I just find it interesting and exciting to know these things.  Pretty soon they’re showing a special on grave-robbers who plotted to steal Lincolns body shortly after Booth shot him.  This sounds incredibly interesting to me.

Random thoughts:

-Michael Phelps was photographed smoking from a “water pipe” whilst visiting a college in November after he won 8 Gold medals in the Olympics.  He apologized repeatedly and said it was a “lapse in judgement.”  Fuck that.  He knew exactly what he was doing.  The article states no one even knows if there was weed in there.  You know what though?  who gives a shit.  Hes Michael fucking Phelps.  He won 8 fucking gold medals and set numerous records, he can do whatever he fucking wants.  Have you ever smoked pot?  It doesn’t give you super human swimming abilities, trust me.  If anything people should give him an extra applaud because weed makes you the laziest person in the world.  Smoking weed doesn’t making you aerodynamically superior.  It doesn’t turn you into an amphibian or quick water creature,.  So you know what, Michael Phelps you. are. the. shit.

-How many “new” seasons of Heroes are there going to be?  I was watching the Super bowl and every other commercial after the 3rd quarter was for the new Heroes season.  wtf?  didn’t they just have a new one like 4 months ago?  I’m sure if I watched the show I would know what the up and up is, but I don’t, so I’m mostly confused.

A few “fuck you”s

-FUCK YOU Quadrangle apartments.  You have only been adding and piling onto the already shit filled repertoire I have created for you, it’s only getting worse.  Fucking quads, fucking refurnishing an apartment in the fuckign morning, hammering and sawing and fucking talking like you’re at a concert for hours and hours.  Fuck you.  I thought they were doing that shit IN our apartment, they might as well have been I was already awake.  Prospective college students, do yourselves a favor and don’t hesitate on housing, you might end up shit-creak in a smelly old apartment complex where nothing works and no ones there to fix any of it.

-FUCK YOU Long John Silvers.  You charge me 8 dollars for a fucking platter which doesn’t even include a god damn drink.  Blow me.  Everything you make tastes like Fish and you are never nice at the window when I am nothing but polite.  I’m sorry you hate working at LJS cliche’ black Carbondale lady but get the fuck over it.

-FUCK YOU Walmart.  Every time I go in there is no one around to answer my questions and concerns.  wtf.  But when I need a job you can’t make that happen because payroll is tight and there are too many employees.  My ass.  I wander around the store for 30 minutes and run into 3 people who work there and none of them work in the area I need help in and 2 of them are cashiers, Fuck!  And then those 2 cashiers, the only two that are working, handle all 400 billion customers that come in, all I need is this one god damn thing.  Fuck you Walmart, get some self checkout systems, don’t act like its unaffordable.

Super Bowl Sunday Blows Sitting Basically Solo

-Everyone seems to be rooting for the Cardinals to win today, on the most boring, uninteresting Super Bowl Sunday I have ever been alive for.  I mean the steelers and the Cards, come one.  I agree though, the Cardinals should win, fuck the steelers and all the super bowls they’ve already fucking won, give someone else a chance Ben Roethlisberger you incredibly talented shit.  Fuck you Darnell Dockett, you’re so damn smug you already have a tattoo appointment set up for Tuesday to receive a tattoo created entirely for a super bowl win, I wish that you ha dalready gone in to receive said tattoo so I could see the look on your face when you lost.  Steelers are probably going to win.  But not by my original slaughter score of 4million to 14. 

My prediction:  Steelers 31 Cardinals 24.

-I’ve noticed I’m strangely more intrigued and interested in things when I read the title and it is followed by a question mark.  Lat night I watched “Largest Squid Found?” and was immediately sucked into the History channels gentle, yet intense, search for one of the oceans largest squids ever.  Now, normally I would never terrify myself on purpose like this, but there was just something about that “?”  I couldn’t help it.  I was powerless against its invitation of curiosity.  So I watched the entire thing inevitably resulting in a nightmare about a giant squid.  It was awesome/horrifying.  So take that little tidbit advertising and marketing Satan offspring, just throw a question mark on the end of everything and you’re golden, although that won’t save you from the fiery damnation you’ve chosen to end your life with you greedy, stupid bastards.

-I always have trouble sleeping at least 3 out of 7 nights a week.  This comes from laying down and immediately forgetting I came to sleep and thinking about …everything.  There are certain stages, phases if you will, I have noticed.

Phase1:  Initiation

In general:  Sleep has been forgotten and all you do is lay there widely awake, pondering and thinking about the upcoming days or tasks at hand.

Personally:  I lay down and immediately start thinking about ideas I would like to put down on paper.  Drawings, things to write, I just lay and become lost in a haze of what seem like incredible ideas I KNOW I should be writing down or just figuring out right then and there, but do not, because I am in bed.

Phase2:  Sleep Denial

In general:  At this point you might accept or not accept the fact you are not going to sleep anytime soon.  NOTE:  It is at this phase where you realize how difficult the luxury of sleeping will be.

Personally:  I fight with myself, mentally debate my options of sleeping or not sleeping.  I always lose, it’s confusing.  The end result is always the same.  out loud “Mother fucker, this shit is probably not happening” as if I’m talking to the other person in the room…There is no on else though..

Phase3:  Movement

In general:  You start moving around thinking a different position will be more comfortable for your falling asleep needs.  This is false, because you have already surpassed phase2 so its pretty much over.

Personally:  I don’t give up, I fight the good fight of moving and shifting and trying to accomodate for comfortability.  I won’t lose this bed is MY bitch.  I toss and turn and settle for seconds of silence before fidgeting again.  I end up losing and I am now MORE awake because I have been moving around so much. 

Phase4:  acceptance.

Here is where and when you accept you are not getting to bed for a while.  Hours pass slowly before you finally slumber away to your dreamland.  Sleep debt is a bitch.

-Awkward dream of the weekend: 

I was an astronaut, doctor.  I was aboard a ship working but the dream did not start out there.  The dream began whilst waiting in my own apartment for the space shuttle to take me to the Space Hospital.  I kept adding things to bring that seemed irrelevant for a doctor, like a camera to take pictures of the stars and systems with and chess boards.  So then I’m on a Space hospital and there are alien dogs, that resemble zombie dogs you might see in resident evil and/or I AM LEGEND.  And they’re trying to get through door after door I close in their face.  It was partially a really weird/cool dream…but it was also terrifying at some points.

Where do you see yourself in 5 minutes?

Seriously.  I would enoy becoming a boxer and turning these boneyknuckles into fists of relentless fury.  How cool would it be to have illegal hands?  To, legally, be told you cannot fight anywhere other than in the ring because your fists are weapons.  If this were at all possible it would be incredible.  I would walk around knowing that I, myself, am a trained killing machine and that anyone who might have the slightest inclination to “mess” with me would be on the ground pulse-less in any number of seconds.  My fists would have to be constantly locked away, in metal gloves equiptwith a defense mechanism that would shoot spikes into my hands if I tried to unlock this device myself.  I would go down in history as the only man who actually, realistically could, kill a bear with his own bear hands.

 

How ridiculous is that?

There are boxers who have been in fights on the streets who have done some seriously damage and, obviously, havebeentaken to court.  Prosecution claims his fists are “weapons” because he is a professional boxer.  Although this is an unbelievably cool thought and dream on might desire to accomplish, it is stupid.

Heres why:

How can you say someones fists are legally weapons?  They are hands and everyone has them.  Oh hes a boxer?  I plumber is a trained professional when it comes to using plunge, does that mean he’s carrying around an illegal object?  fuck no.  Given the correct circumstance ANYthing can be used as a weapon, including fists.  Now, were just picking on this boxer because of his choice of work, what he does for a living.  This seems stupid too.  The US legal system has so many god damn grey areas, it’s like the bible, I want to exploit them all.

-I never really bought into finding change and money in your couches…until today…I found like 4 dollars in change easily in the two couches I could. not. believe. it.  It’s not a lot obviously but still so cool to find extra anything, especially moneys.

Things I need:

-more time.

-more money

-a job

-to start running more

-more art supplies / experience

-a lot more money

-more new music

-to start taking photographs

-more food in this apartment

-to find a new apartment for next year

Things I don’t need:

-Anymore food today

-I don’t need to drive my car anywhere…ever.  Every god damn anything is in walking distance.

-I don’t need anymore piled up garbage in this apartment

-I don’t need any medicine…

 

I hate hearing about celebrity anything.  Who gives a shit, seriously.  They are people like you, or me, or anyone.  So they have money who the fuck cares.  If I was rich and “famous” I would constantly be telling people to piss off and mind their own business.  like, get a life you celebrity following losers.  The paparazzi?  Fuck those guys, wannabe photographers snapping pictures of someone eating dinner.  Oh no Hollywood drama?!  suck my dick.  It amazes me as it completely makes sense, that magazines like People are still in business and thriving and ALWAYS will.  God damn.

-I feel there are certain phases people should grow out of once they go to college.  I’ve compiled a list:

1-Once you hit freshmen college year you should stop wearing cheapass, old man looking, plaid or otherwise, sports coats you bought at the thrift store as if it suffices as a real, actual winter coat.

2-Those hats with the ears and faces and other various cartoon-Esq anime-ish themes should be given up, UNLESS, you are in fact asian.  I mean I can admit that I watch some cool anime and I absolutely love cartoons but seriously grow.  the.  fuck.  up.

3-The pound is out when you go to a major university.  Go out and shake someones hand on whatever way you choose, then attempt to finish it up with a pound and watch the other person walk away.

4-For a long time I did not agree with this one, but…When you go out;  to class, the store, anywhere really, get fucking dressed.  How hard is it to throw on some pants and a clean shirt?  It isn’t.  don’t attempt to answer that question because it was entirely rhetoric.

5-If you think you can make it at school or work or wherever without application of your skills or mind, go fuck yourself.  This is not going to happen in any of your wildest dreams.

6-I think everything should broaden in your life.  The people you choose to associatewith, the music and films you see and converse about, obviously the clothes you wear, your way of life should 360.  Not in a bad way, in an enlightening way.  You’re an adult now get up and go explore, that sort of mindset.  I hate people who are close-minded and antisocial.  That shits cool in like 10th grade but it’s time to grow a pair and wake up.

-Today a man tried to have a conversation with me.  I did my best to pay attention to what he was talking, but it was about coffee and this story was, I kid you not, completely pointless.  It was, I gathered afterwards, about how Starbucks changed its house blend coffees name…that was it.  He asked if I had ever had it, then explained the change…and then I answered.  Clearly I have had this coffee before then…wtf.

I’ve noticed

I only receive a lot of hits on this thing when I post new stuff. So with a lapse in blogging my views clearly, on my dash, lessen. I don’t want that to happen!

I want to be the best!